Who shot JR?

Meet J.R.

This handsome devil is Spanky's cousin. He's a world traveler. He likes long walks in the park and holding hands under the stars. If I were to put out a personal ad for dear JR it would probably be this: "Minimalist seeks woman." He likes the simple things. Food,water and shelter. Oh and the occasional Dukes of Hazard get together.

Now, Spanky and the rest of his cousins like to use JR as the butt of most their jokes. Exhibit A.See the picture above? See the dazed and confused look on the poor guys face? What do you think is on the other side of this picture?

Well I could tell ya but then I'd have to kill ya. If you think you know the answer comment on it...I might post the other half if anyone guesses it :) This capture was well worth the price that I might get out of it when I blackmail him with it.

Love you JR!!

Why I love this baby...

Meet Caitlyn.

I dont love her because of those gi-normously squishy cheeks. I dont love her because she has no fear of my camera and still cracks up in the sweetest smile for me to take a "peek-chur" of. I dont even love her because she is just so freaking adorable that it makes my milk bags try to lactate and wish my belly started to swell. Oh wait, it did swell but that's only cause I had way to many gas inducing fried tomatoes over the weekend. My milk bags are still dry though.

No the reason that I love this little girl is because I can love all over her, spoil her rotten and carry her around for hours without putting down the little "sack-o-taters" and at the end of the day, I can give her back to her parents :)

Good to be back and a lesson in horseback breaking...

Ahhh. I'm sitting in my comfy chair. I'm sipping ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper and getting ready to watch an all new Prison Break on Tv. Sigh, I love Wentworth Miller. I loved him way back when he was on one of my most favoritest vampire movies "Underworld: Evolution". Sorry all you late Went lovers. He's mine and you cant have it. I saw him first.

Speaking of guys. I'll be posting this week about things that happened while we were on our camping trip over the long weekend. Here's a little scene right before we left. Meet self-named "Big-Daddy" Matt. He is a new rider of horses who decided that he needed to learn how to ride on a horse thats never been ridden. Works for me. I'm all about education.

Here we have a few little conversations I overheard while snapping these pics.


"Hey big daddy matt!
We have a great idea! We need someone to break in this horse thats never been ridden. We were gonna do it ourselves but we thought it would be more fun for someone who's never done it before to do it for us instead. What can we say, its boring out here in Deliverance land."



"Dont worry Big Daddy Matt. This horse is the sweetest out of the bunch. She has a personality like my favorite actress Joan Crawford.



Sue, I know I'm new at this but wasn't Joan Crawford an alcoholic sociopath?
Dont worry Big Daddy Matt!! Just make sure when you get on her you blow kisses at her, promise her scotch on the rocks and call her Mommy Dearest. Oh and I have great news! I just saved a load of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!!



Huh?!?



Now, after all that bellyaching and worrying about something as small in life as breaking his neck, Big Daddy Matt's horse Breezy was as sweet as pie to this green rider.


See Big Daddy Matt? You crapped your pants for nothing. I'm glad I didnt have to ride home with you.

Goodbye My Lovelies!!

I'm leavin' on a jet plane...la la la..

Just kidding. I'm leaving though. Just not on anything cool like a plane. More like, a minivan full of fighting boys with smelly feet and stinky gas. I swear, riding anywhere with them for more than 2 hours is like trying to survive in a "dutch-oven", if you catch my drift.

Lets see, I cleaned the fish, fed the birds, packed the girls (my furballs) favorite toys and pillows. I have my penis gun and Spanky has his titty mug so I think we're good to go. If your all good while I'm away, I'll show you the infamous "titty mug" given to him when he was 18 from his grandfather. From what I've heard its been passed down from one horny old man to another for as long as they've been in America.

I'm so sad that a "titty mug" and "penis gun" are going to be our legacy to our kids.

Oh, this time I PROMISE pics of me. Camping. Having "fun" in the "wild". Running from horses. Stuffing myself silly with smores. I'll probably pee on my feet again but I wont take pictures of that. Maybe if I was paid a really high price *wink*.

I am a widow...

A football widow. Spanky dies every year until he's done coaching. Not only am I a widow but I also have to do all the things that should be "man" work in the house. You know, like taking out the garbage, scratching my butt while getting the mail or peeing on the seat instead of in the toilet. It sucks.

The daily routine is that he leaves for work at 5:30 and I dont actually see him till around 9:30 that night at which time he will probably scarf down his food, get a shower and pass out.

He brought me home something today though. Something that made my hiney tingle. Something that raised my eyebrow. My husband gives me the strangest gifts. If awards were given out for strangest gifts received, I win. Hands down.

I'm not gonna post the photos on this blog of what he lovingly referred to as his stand-in. A friend of his gave it to him today as a joke. Its ironically made of wood LMAO. Anyhow, if I could have loaded real bullets in it, I probably would have shot him with the thing. Then, I'd be a real widow and would HAVE to take out the garbage but I WOULDNT have to wash his undies with doodie stains in the ass of them. Thats a fair trade dontcha think?

You can view my gift here. Do not open in front of your chil'rens.

Mission-FAILED..this message will self destruct in 5 seconds

Well, my guy got on the bus. He got to the school. I met him at the front and walked him to his class. I NEEDED to do this because at the last second I realize that in my self loathing and miserable sulking, I had forgot to put his name tag and teacher's name that was on his necklace for kindergarten.

All these thoughts of my baby being lost and standing out in the middle of the hallway crying made me floor it the school. After I got my bacon egg and cheese mcgriddle and vanilla iced coffee. but i still floored it.

Okay so I get to his class and take in the rest of his supplies and give them to his teacher's assistant. Then, I took a few pictures and she was still standing next to me. its okay that I'm here right? i asked to her. Well actually she said, we'd rather you didnt but since your here please take your picture and go.

Now, for an instant, to my heartbroken ears, it sounded like she was trying to get between me and my baby. All you moms out there KNOW this is the worlds most dangerous place to be. I came within inches of ripping her face off but i remembered i would have a hard time talking my way out of that one when i got arrested. so i left.

I was fine. I pulled onto the highway and took a deep breath. It was gonna be ok. He was gonna be ok. I, was gonna be ok. Well that was until Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson being played on the radio. Of all the times in the world, why in the hell did this song have to be playing at this particular moment in my life. I lost it. I bawled my eyes out for an hour and when I got home I took a look around at the huge mess we made getting ready for our first day of school.
"OWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!"
I heard Nate calling me from the bedroom. WTF?!?!. I knew he was in school.
"Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.!!!" I heard again.

It was our parrot Grady. Welcoming me home in the most awesome way that he ever have could. So even when they're not here, they're still here :) I just wish he mimicked, mom i love you instead of them fighting lmao.

Mission Mom-possible...

I'm going to stalk my 5 year old during his first morning as a kindergartener. I NEED to do this. I'm sick. I have issues. I might stop my subscription to myself.

Random thought post of the week.....

If you take a drink of coffee flavored with french vanilla creamer and then take a sip of Diet Dr. Pepper, it makes it taste like ham.

Bestfriends...

One from yesterday...

i'm writing a book...

Yep. its called "Save a whale! Harpoon a fat chick!"

Heres an excerpt. I'll try to post more of it here and there :) I might finish it. I might not. I might publish it. I might not. Either way, its good FREE therapy :)

"No way was I going out there to show her anything that ended below my underwear. I knew she was well aware of how dirty my panties were but the rest of the store didnt. I was breaking out into a full on sweat. My feet got twisted in the legs of the jeans. I started to loose my balance. It was to late. I crashed through the swinging doors of the dressing room. I landed with a huge thud at the feet of a lady with her perfect size 6T daughter. Their eyes were wide as saucers and their mouths hung open in disbelief.
"Wow!" I exclaimed. "Watch that first step. Its a doozie."

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Old photos - Free family tree template

Apparently I have a very Asian look. Um, Mom, is there something you would like to tell me? Is there a reason why I am in love with Asian cuisine? I mean, the proofs right there in front of me...Who's my daddy?

Reminder

Reminder to self....

This is just something that I have to go through to get me closer. Winners train, losers complain. I'm leaving it all on the field everyday.

Hair pulling.....

This is the kind of day I'm having. Karma always catches up with me. I don't know why I would even try to short cut around anything. In the end, I ended up paying twice as much as I would have in the first place AND I now have a baldspot from pulling my hair out.

Its not fair that some people are oblivious to the effects of the universe. I'm trying to SO hard to live by the secret. I think, it told on me. I want unexpected checks in the mail. I want travel. I read my daily affirmations. Maybe I'm underlying-ly thinking negatively about my positives? How does one become truly positive in their thinking? I'm visualizing. I even made a visualization board right in front of my desk.

I'm pulling my hair out people. HELP ME TOM CRUISE!

Okay i'll tell you what i did to catch the wrath of Karma. I may or may not have used a key to crack a program that was listed at an online place. I knew it was wrong but i wanted it so bad and didnt want to shell out the money for it. Ugh. It was so wrong. I'm a theif. I feel awful. So you know what happens to me? My website. My photography. My site that has all my stuff on it goes offline. Poof. Shes gone. I'm freaking out. Well it was up for renewal and i didnt catch that email. If I had, it would only have cost me 15 bucks. Since it lapsed since June, I had to pay $100. What kinda crap is that? Karma crap. Thats what that is. I suck. I have since deleted the program. I couldnt look at it without the awful feeling in my stomach. I'm sorry Karma. Forgive me?

Feeling "crabby' today?

This is what we had for dinner. Mmmmmmmm.Mmm.Mmmm. The great thing about living on the east coast is the Blue Crabs.

Okay, well I might not have eaten it like this because I'm a sissy and will only eat what Spanky takes out of the shell for me. He does this awesome boil where he puts the crabs, crawdads, potatoes, corn on the cob, carrots and onions in a pot and cooks it all together. It is SO good. The only bad thing is that I always get an antenae of some kind caught between my teeth. Or, I'll go to down a huge spoon full of the pipin hot veggies and I'll chomp into a crawdad leg. GA-ROSS.

I mean seriously, do you think that crawdads clean between their toes? Um, no I dont think so. I'm risking the crawdad version of athletes foot every time I eat this stuff. I vote for all crawdads and crabs having pedicures before they make it to our plates. Who's with me??

Whether you Democrat or Republican...

The message is still the same. HOPE.

Drama

I love drama when its in photos. I did this shoot with my oldest son in about 5 minutes. I had some ideas that I NEEDED to get out of my head. I'm working on launching some black and white fine art sports portraits. Something different from the kids sitting there on a knee with a helmet or ball in their hand. I combined baseball and football because these are the sports he plays. He's got his football chest piece on and holding his bat and wearing catchers mask in a few. They need a little work but I'm digging them:)

The weight has been lifted

I felt bad about just leaving my newspaper blog hanging out there with no explanation of why i was no longer posting there. I posted a nice goodbye today. I didnt go into detail about jealous people complaining about my watermarking my images so that they would not be thefted (is that a word, well it is now lmao).

I did love hanging out all my dirty laundry though. It makes me happy for people to smell my dirty socks.

It seems so final but seriously, I needed to cut negativity out of my life to be able to move on positively. This was a good thing. I know it was. It felt right. I had a dream about it. I let my painted ponies run.

Are ya ready for some Football?!

Colby had his very first practice last night. How stinkin cute is he? He's in the white and blue jersey with the 48 on it. Bless his little heart. He tried his best and it was 150 flippin degrees today. Well it felt like it anyhow. In the black and white he's saying no more mama, no more lolol

what.the.hell.did.i.do?

So my hair grew out a little bit since I last had it cut in Nov of 2007. Seriously, I thought that if I paid $75 for a haircut that it should last at least a year. My follicles had other plans. No, they decided to grow out, become frizzy and split. Hmmm-it sounds kinda like my transformation into puberty. EW, shudder at the flashbacks.

I wont name the place that I went to and waited an hour to be seen because I didn't call ahead. Don't they know who I am? I mean, I guess they could have thought I was just a regular person because I didnt have one my stalkers walking behind me holding the sign that says "I love Missy". She had "stuff" to do. Or like babies to give birth to or whatever. Seriously, arent I more important than life itself? Literally hahaha.

Anyhow can I just say that karma is a bitch. See, a few months back I tried to give my Pomeranian a summer hair shave. It didnt work out so well. I got paid back 10 fold with my hideous new do. I love layers but she cut my front to short. If I'm not careful with styling it, it will end up giving off a mullet vibe. Which brings me to the other karma I had coming to me because of the mullet hunting I did when we went to that WWE pro wrestling event.

seriously, I hate the universe right now.

exhibit a.



P.S. i totally took this pic going 75mph on my way to a wedding an hour away. What can I say? I was bored.

Something Wicked This Way Comes.....

I had to make one of these. Its some of my favorite hits from the 80's. When the mid 90's hit I was soooooooo glad that the 80's were over. I thought that it was the WORST decade ever. I hated to look at pics because of the clothes. The music disturbed me. It was like nails on a chalkboard when I would here "everybody wang chung tonight...".

Now, I love it but I REALLY do not ever want to see white Keds sneakers, biker shorts, and oversized t-shirts EVER come back into style. Those are not good for us ladies who are living larg and in charge.

I dont know what made me want to make one of these. I'm feeling strange lately. Kinda ancy. Something is brewing. I can feel it. I'm having dreams. I've been writing them down trying to see if I can draw any meaning from them. I'm probably looking to deep into them but I cant help but wonder if something is brewing on the horizon.....

Waiting...

one from the birth of baby A. Born on Tues night. More to come :)

"CRACK MAN"

Convo with my 11 year old.

"Hey mom, guess what."
"Whats that?"
"I had to get a new butt."
"Whys that?"
"Cause my old one had a crack in it."


So, in order for our boys to play football this year we have to buy them ID's from the DMV. My 5 year old thought this meant he could drive and tried to drive home. We only let him drive for a few miles. We value our vehicle. Oh, and our lives.

Anyhow, while we were waiting to be called up to the window the guy next to us was called first. He was a rather large man. I'd say weighing in at about 350lbs easy. He was leaning over the counter conversing with the teller and Spanky started to giggle. He said "look at that guy up there. You can see his crack a little bit.". Sure enough, the valley began to peek. Now, he had an entire family sitting behind him and the dad was trying to lean back so it wasnt so "up in yo'face". The little girls were giggling and that made me giggle. I tried to hold it in, I did. I swear on my Vera Bradley. Now, evertime this guy would shift his weight, his pants would inch downward. Slowly the valley became the Grand Canyon. I kid you not, there was at LEAST 6 inches of crack showing. Okay, I admit I broke out into a full on bar room Julia Roberts laugh. I couldnt help it! Spanky was shushing me but the more he told me to be quiet the more I cracked up. I was not alone though. I heard others giggling too. Our number was called and we had to walk by the info desk and there was a couple standing there giggling and the info girl was too. I said "please tell me if we're being Punked." Well that made the laugh that much harder and finally the "Crack man" as I know call him walked out of the DMV never to know of the wonders that he shared with us that day.

Oh and I think I saw Jimmy Hoffa in there waving from the bottom of the crevasse.

SO WE'RE ALLERGIC TO BEES

YUCK!

I had to find out the hard way that my 5 year old was allergic to bees. the poor guy was stung sitting on the couch minding his own business when a "European Hornet" decided he didn't like the way Colby was sitting. He didn't have an aniphylactic shock but he did develop weird bumps popping up on his skin and itching very very badly. He's much better now. He got a huge needle in the butt and was so good that I bought him a new betta fish. He picked him out himself and named him "roadburner". dont ask. I have no idea why he named him that lol

For you Katie....

Peace, love and an easy healthy delivery of your baby are my wishes for you...

Day Tuesday- Dear GOD

Dear GOD,

If you love me, if you have any mercy in your heart for me, then you'll understand my letter.

I know you can understand since you are a parent yourself. For the love of gravy, can you make VA send kids to school all year round??

Day 191-So I thought I had crabs...

Or some type of infestation on my body. Let me explain before I go on to make myself sound like a dirty hobo who never baths except in the month of June and maybe Christmas Eve if they're in a shelter for the night.

Anyhow, I was sitting here getting aquainted with my new totally rad laptop when I felt something tickling my upper arm. I went to bat it away and glanced over and saw that ther was a small black thing with arms moving that I had assumed was a tick. I HATE ticks. I know they all have their place in the circle of life but I dont want to be included in their circle. If they were high school girls, they'd be that girl from the breakfast club with the braces wired across her face and the neckbrace. Remember when she tried to drink the soda? Okay so thats them in the 80's high school social scale.

So, I go to pull it off and take it to the toilet to flush it and I get a closer look. This is not at ALL a tick. I start freaking, but I cant get up because I'm surrounded by laptops and tons of papers I just finished organizing and didnt want to put back together. And Good grief, my dog has bad gas tonight. Lawsy mercy I really think she might be rotting from the inside out. Its just not natural to omit smells like that. If I lit a match, we'd probably explode. Shew.

Anyhow, back to my story. I'm calling for Number 1 to come help me and begging him to get it off and throw it into the toilet and he comes over, looks at my arm, sees this freaking bug and says "i dont see anything mom". Okay his eyes grew to the size of saucers and he's trying to tell me he didnt see anything. He lies, about as well as I do. Finally I get him to bat it away but he bats it onto the front of my shirt. I'm holding my shirt out as far as it will stretch and I get a closer look at it. It has claws. It looks like a miniature crawdad or scorpion. Well that just freaks me out even more because I am just convinced its poisoned me and I'm going to die and with one flick of the hand its crushed. I'm covered in bug carcas. Okay maybe its just a spec but still, somethings guts were on me.

So, I look up this little creature to make sure I havent contracted herpes or dyptheria, cholerah or rocky mounted spotted purple zig zag fever and what not and I find out that its a totally harmless bug. Its not normall seen and I killed it. I felt bad for about 5 seconds and hunted down pics to show you all my trophy squash.

I really do feel bad though. I dont like to hurt harmless bugs. Seriously though folks, does it look scary to you? would you want that crawling on you? hale to the no! its called a psuedoscorpion or something like that. I cant spell tonight. I'm whooped.

peace love spongy cake

Day 189-Getting it off my chest....

So as some of you may know, I do a photo-a-day for the local newspaper. Granted, I've been falling off the mark as far as posting every single day but goodness, I didnt think this would be such an undertaking.

I do love blogging though. I love putting all my quirkiness and insecurities out there for all the world to see. Seriously, it makes me feel normal reading it back because I pretend that I'm reading someone else's blog and I get to make fun of myself. Ya know, sometimes I am seriously outta my gourd. What the heck is a gourd anyways?

Anyhow, while blogging for the paper I found that I was the top rated blog at the newspaper website. With all my crazy-girl might, I said to myself, "they like me, they really really like me". But alas, it was not to be. Apparently I was reported as talking to much about my photography business and was sent an email stating that if I didnt "steer clear of the blatant self-promotion
or we will deactivate your account".

Seriously folks, I'm sorry for mentioning that I am a photographer who runs her own business but I am proud of that fact. I wont deny it. This is who I am and photography is a big part of my life. Its what keeps me sane. It brings money into my home to help feed and clothe my kids.

I'm also not going to post photos online without watermarks so that some idiot can right click and copy it. They'll use it to post on their own websites trying to pass my work off as their own. I've had it happen before and its not something I really want to deal with again.

So, you may start seeing my posts here at the personal blog from now on. I dont want to offend any "haters" with my blantant self-promotion. I do admit out of the oh, 100 or so posts I've placed over at the newspaper blog, only a few advertised for my photography business. If I'm taking the time to write up a blog for them to draw in readers then why can't I post some of my day to day life that happens to include frequent wedding and family photography.
http://www.fauquier.com/blogs/art-life/ theres the link to my blog over at the newspaper. I only see 3 or 4 posts that reference my business.

UGH-I CANT STAND JEALOUS HATERS!

Lazy Summer Days...

Remember when life was fun? I dont mean going out and drinking and partying, I mean really just loving life. Think back to jump rope, hop scotch, bike riding and tire swings.

These are for you C. I love you.











What I love the most about these, is that you dont have to see his face to know that he is having a great time...

DAY 184-WHEN I DIP, YOU DIP, WE DIP

Just one from last nights wedding. My first winery wedding and I LOVED it!!

JUST HAD TO SAY........

That if you LOVED Napoleon Dynamite as much as I did you will LOVE this movie. Its called Eagle Vs. Shark. Its sooooo funny. Its in the same humor as ND but with New Zealanders.



"YEAH FOOL SUCKA..." Lmao

Day 183-Soooooooooooooo

I've been working on a new self portrait for my website...

what do ya think? I think it sums up everything I love-margaritas, plumeria and a Bob Marley kinda feel. Oh yeah. I rule.