Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Day 119-I didnt forget your birthday.

I didnt forget your birthday.
I remembered it.
I celebrated it with you but you weren't there.
But I didnt forget your birthday.
I made you a cake but I had to eat it alone.
It was sweet.
But I didnt forget your birthday.
I smiled when I thought of you happy.
It made me cry.
But I didnt forget your birthday.
I celebrated it with you but you weren't there.
I didnt forget your birthday.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Day 117-Wheres Waldo?

Wheres Waldo?

Lets see. Waldo has been lost for about a week. Omg do you guys hate me? I am so sorry for leaving all 4 of my stalkerazzi's out there to try and find their daily fix of crazy somewhere else. Hopefully you all still love me and can forgive a sistah whos been swamped, puking, cleaning up puke, swamped and cleaning up more puke. Did you know your dogs can get the flu? Um, yeah, so not pretty. I think I've learned what its like to live in hell.

Okay so heres the rundown for a few things that have been going down the last week or so. I went on a field trip with Cheeky. This is the new name I'm gonna use to refer to my 8 year old. We learned about where our steak comes from. Yes, the farmer actually pointed to specific parts of the steer that was standing eating in front of us and correlated it to what goes on the plate. The kids were crying and gagging. I was slobbering all over myself. Hey, I love rare steak. Just wipe its ass and throw it on a plate. If its still moo'ing then pass me a gag ball.

We learned about bugs we can find in the water. Yeah, I'm not swimming in the river anytime soon. Oh, and my favorite part of the ENTIRE trip was when I learned how to identify a hickory nut by the hottest forester worker I have ever seen. I have a new love for all things wood.

Oh and we went to "Headsucking '08". It was a crawdad fest thing. Basically I paid 30 bucks a person to eat some crawdads and watch Spanky get plastered beyond recognition. Thats not a story. The dude drank so much that he puked and laid down in it and refused to get up. He somehow managed to crawl onto the back of his brothers pick-up and when we got home, I left him out there. In the rain. Drunk. No covers. Yeah, slow your role fool. Learn your limit. I still love you though you ass. I cant stay mad at'cha for long.

My sisters and I have also decided that no matter how long we been married. No matter how many kids we have, we will always be D.G.4.L.'s. DIRTY GIRLS 4 LIFE. I had to protect one of my younger sisters from being hit on by all the dorks at what we now refer to as "Redneck Woodstock" so I pretended to be her girlfriend for the night. We called it Redneck Woodstock because it POURED for about an hour and everything was muddy so we were all barefoot. Only my baby sister was pregnant so she totally fit into that cliche. Barefoot and pregnant at the Redneck Woodstock. Lmao-I love you girl!!!

I also learned that I can drink a soda with my boobs. Its the coolest party trick EVER.

Monday, April 21, 2008

DAY 110

I love lilacs. They're not my favorite flower to look at but they're my favorite to smell. Its smells like spring ;)

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Day 107-Clue Number One

The first clue to knowing your third baser is going to have a long game is when they're "sky watching" while the other team is batting.

The second clue to knowing its going to be a long game is when your third baser downs 2 full 16oz bottles of water in a matter of 7 minutes.

The final clue that its time to take your third baser home is when he blows chunks all over the inside of the dugout.

I do believe this was one of those days when I could have done without leaving the house but hey, I'm breathing so I cant complain...Much.

Calgon-take me AWAY!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Day 105-Passion

Could you do what Christopher Mccandless did? Could you give up everything to live free? I wish I could feel the true passion for living as he did.

This is my new favorite song. It moves me. The lyrics bring me to my knees and yet I cant seem to stop hitting the replay button.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


I knew that the boy sitting on the stool next to me was the love of my life when he cut out the heart of our pig fetus we were dissecting in biology class.
He did all the work. He never made me touch it all. I remember watching him crack the chest of our little pig and thinking about how sweet he was and how adorable his dimples were when he smiled at me. Even now, the smell of formaldehyde brings back those goose bumps of a first real love.

I had to have this boy. I was seeing someone and so was he but I didnt care. I dumped my loser boyfriend and about a week later he was "mysteriously" not dating anyone anymore. We would spend hours on the phone. I'm talking 5-6 hours at a time until we were both falling asleep or the phones batteries started dying. We were inseparable for years.

Still, 12 years later, 8 years of marriage and 3 babies he still melts me with his dimples when he smiles. I could probably do without the hairy hiney that came out of nowhere 5 years into the relationship but hey, no ones perfect. How boring would that be :) So this ones for you babe. Look how far we've come.....

Friday, April 11, 2008


So I havent really been doing the best job with posting a photo a day. I'm trying REALLY hard people. I swear. I'm sacrificing valuable me time to be here with you all. I could be like, washing my hair, or underwear or something. But no, I love you all so much (all 4 of you) that I forgo the silkiness of my blond tresses just to post for you all. Cause I love you. All of you. All 4 of you.

So today this post is about you. The wonderful fans. This is for you "C" from SoCal. You know who you are. You make me happy when skies are gray. You scare me a little bit too but thats okay-we're working through it. So come on yall! Lets see your best "ode to missy" photos or drawings or whatever you want to do. Make a wonderful mold out of doggie doodie

I love you too my happy little stalker!!!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

DAY 98-I know my dog is gay

I know my dog is gay. Do you know how I know my dog is gay? Because she craps rainbows out of her butt. Thats how I know my dog is gay.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


Remember when being a kid was fun? Remember when you heard the crack of the bat as it hit the baseball for the very first time? My 5 year old got to experience all of the yesterday at his very first T-ball practice.

"Oh," you say, "this is just gonna be another mom bragging about her kids kinda post". Well kinda. When Colby was born he was sick. He had life threatening heart problems. We lived at Fairfax Hospital for about 2 months trying to find the best medicine cocktail to control his heart rate. I've heard this kids heart rate going at 320 beats per minute and I've heard his heart stop completely. No parent should ever have to know what its like to hear nothing coming from your childs chest.

Anywho, Colby had his surgery last year to fix his little ticker. He's 100% cured and is fantastic. He smiled the entire time he was at practice. I have never seen the kid so truly happy. Its a blessing.

Its a blessing for me also because now that he's healthy I dont feel guilty making him wash dishes, do laundry, sweep the floors, take out the trash and bathe the dogs. Hey, 5 year olds need to earn their place at the table too.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Day 95-GPS folies

GPS-Global what?

In my world GPS stands for "going psycho sometimes". This is how my GPS made me feel today. It took me 3 hours to drive a place that should have taken only an hour.

Okay I will admit that its mostly my fault because when I would miss a turn Mio (thats my gps's name) would tell me to turn around at the next available turn.

"Oh Mio" I said, "would you please trust me. I know exactly where I'm going. Just wait and see sistah friend." Then she started to become frantic when I missed the 4rth recommended u-turn spot. She yelled at me. She called me vulgar names. She told me that if I wouldnt take her advice for directions then I should at least pull over and ask someone. When I laughed at her she told me I smelled like bad tofu. What does bad tofu smell like anyways? Naturally I shrugged her off and told her she was being paranoid but 2 hours later I began to worry. Another hour later I arrived at my destination. I cant be for sure, but I think she spit at me. Seriously, I heard it.

Note to self, do not drive South if your trying to go North.

Mio, I'm sorry. Will you find it in your microchip to forgive me? I promise next time, you can do all the talking. I'm burning my mapquest printouts.

Friday, April 4, 2008

day 93-Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

When everything seems to come crashing down on me all at once. When I cant seem to find my footing in any direction that I turn. When I'm feeling lost I just remind myself that its one step at a time...slow and steady wins the race, you don't have to keep up with a hare's pace.

Which is really good because I am a total turtle.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

day 91-No, thats not a tear....

I am absolutely not sad one bit that my 10 year old will be going to middle school next year. I'm not. Really. I'm OK. No thats not a tear you see running down my cheek. I spit when I talk and it tends to go upwards. I know that goes against the laws of gravity but this is my world and thats the way I want it.

My baby did not take off running with his little friends when we got into the auditorium for orientation. He wouldnt do that. He's so not the kind of kid who would sit 3 seats down from me and say "your going to blog about this arent you?" Because then I would have to say no and then he would say that he knew I was going to and he didnt care as long as I didnt make fun like I did with "the room". I would have to ask what "room" he was referring to and he would say the "hotel room". I wouldnt have to correct him and tell him that I was nice and didnt make fun of the room and tell him not to look at me with one eyebrow up in the air.

I didnt make fun of the room really. I noted the unusual decorative motif that it was adorned in.

Anyhow, I'm not sad about him going into middle school. Really. No thats not a tear.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Day 90-Blessed and Fresh

Welcome to the world sweet baby girl. May all your wishes come true and your dreams take flight.

What an amazingly, beautiful, blessed thing that I was part of. This is the most intimate moment in a family's existence. I witnessed the burst of life. I witnessed first breaths and cries. I saw the miracle that GOD has blessed us with. Nope. I never get tired of my office. I am truly blessed.