Saturday, May 30, 2009

"Save a whale, harpoon a fat chick!" excerpt

after careful consideration. I'm gonna post it. enjoy my mental anguish. oh, remember that is a rough draft. there are tons of grammatical and punctuation errors. Just roll with it. rock with it. lean with it.

Do you know when Lisa will be out? he asked. I couldnt tell him that I was Lisa. I couldnt let him know that the voice on the other end of the 2 hour phone calls every night was me. I looked to the left. No where to run. The school sidewalks were packed with kids scurrying to their busses happy to go finally go home. I looked down at my feet. I really needed a new pair of tennies. My pink laces were turning an unpleasant shade of brown. I was only allowed one pair of shoes at the begining of school. I might have gotten lucky and recieved a pair of 2 sizes to big middle aged women's dress shoes but that was a rare occurance. Sharing didnt go far in the household I lived in these days.

"Um, I dont see her right now. I think she said she had to stay after. Something about telling Mr. Robb that he needed to stop leaning over her desk because his dandruff was falling onto her paper."

He laughed. "That is so cool! I have always wanted to say that to that dude. Well, whatever. " he reached into his pocket and pulled out a letter.
"Can you make sure she gets this?"
I smiled. "totally." i said.
He walked off and shrugged a later at me. I loved the way his hair swung when he walked. I loved the way he threw his bookbag onto his shoulder. I even loved the huge zit on his face. But, He didnt love me. He loved Lisa. I was Lisa but not the Lisa he knew. She was cool and daring. She didnt care what anyone thought of her. And, she was hot. I, was not. I was introverted. I wore big thick brown and blue rimmed glasses free from the Lions club. I was also fat. I think that if I was all of those things BUT fat, I would have had a shot. Fat really is the justification for any and all reasons not to like someone.
"Oh, shes nice but shes fat. Well, he has nice eyes but he's fat." See, if you add fat as the reason you dont like someone no one questions it. Its acceptable.

I dragged myself to my bus. I hated riding the bus. There was always someone who would try to make you feel repulsive and undesirable. I tried to sit as close the front as I could. I usually had a better chance at being left alone. On this particular day, the front seats were of course taken and I had waited so long for Sean that I had to double up on a seat with someone. Thankfully it was Cathy. She was my only friend on the bus. She was quiet like me and always smiled when I sat down near her.

Hey Lisa she said with a bright smile. I saved you a seat.
Thanks i said relieved as I smiled back.
"Where you waiting on Sean again?"
"Yeah. He gave me a letter this time. " I fanned myself with it as if it wasnt a big deal. Um, it was a huge deal.
"did you tell him yet?"
"NO WAY!" I could feel my heart starting to speed up and my face getting hot. "You cant say anything either! You promised!"
"Im not! Sheesh. I was just asking. I just think You should tell him. I dont think he would care."
"Oh he'll care. They always care." I rolled my eyes.
Just then, Lonnie turned around in the seat in front of us and snatched the letter out of my hand. He was the meaniest kid on the bus. I hated him with every bone in my body but he sure was hot. I hated his insides but I loved to look at the outsides. I was such a hypocrit. I got mad at people for loving my insides but hating my outsides and here I was doing the opposite with a total jerk who had my, I mean, Lisa's letter.
"give that back Lonnie! Its not yours!"
"Well well, what have we got here. it looks like a love letter of some kind and it appears to be addressed to Lisa. hey isnt your name lisa? You mean you found someone who likes tubbies like you? Oh this I have got to read. "
"hey everyone! Lisa got a love letter!" hahaha he laughed. The entire bus started errupting in laughter too. I wanted to crawl under the seat and die. I knew what was coming. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. He was going to read it to the whole bus.
I saw my sister sitting a few seats behind me with her popular friends. She gave me a look as if to kill. She hated me when we were on the bus. She refused to sit with me and acted as if she didnt know me most of the time. I couldnt blame her really. I would pretend not to know me too.
"Hey Baby," he read. He looked at me and grinned. "whats up? Not much here. I was just wanting to know if you would go with me to the 7th grade dance next week. I know its late notice but I really want to go with you. I want to see your tight bod in a mini skirt. Maybe we can do that thing that you said you would do in your last letter.
thats all for now,
I-wanted-to-die. I seriously just wanted to die. "Please god, I begged, if you kill me now I will never ever ever ask for anything ever again and I will even let
my sister have my stereo and all of my tapes. I promise that I will do good angel things and be the best angel ever. Please, just let me die."
the bus was so quiet that it was erie. Then, there was an erruption of laughter so hard that the windows vibrated. I looked back and even my sister was
laughing. she had tears in her eyes and I knew it wasnt from feeling bad from me. It was from laughing so hard.
"Okay who is Sean and why to God does he think YOU have a tight bod" Lonnie tried to catch is breath from laughing so hard.

1 comment:

Cheyenne said...

OMG Missy... I was GLUED to the computer reading this.... you just summed up my ENTIRE middle school experience, except for a sister, it was a brother and I wore silver glasses plus matching silver braces... i was a sight... and i just relived every embarassing moment. Every butt of every joke. PLEASE keep writing, and PLEASE keep posting "excerpts"

:) Cheyenne