"Save a whale, harpoon a fat chick!" excerpt

after careful consideration. I'm gonna post it. enjoy my mental anguish. oh, remember that is a rough draft. there are tons of grammatical and punctuation errors. Just roll with it. rock with it. lean with it.


Do you know when Lisa will be out? he asked. I couldnt tell him that I was Lisa. I couldnt let him know that the voice on the other end of the 2 hour phone calls every night was me. I looked to the left. No where to run. The school sidewalks were packed with kids scurrying to their busses happy to go finally go home. I looked down at my feet. I really needed a new pair of tennies. My pink laces were turning an unpleasant shade of brown. I was only allowed one pair of shoes at the begining of school. I might have gotten lucky and recieved a pair of 2 sizes to big middle aged women's dress shoes but that was a rare occurance. Sharing didnt go far in the household I lived in these days.

"Um, I dont see her right now. I think she said she had to stay after. Something about telling Mr. Robb that he needed to stop leaning over her desk because his dandruff was falling onto her paper."

He laughed. "That is so cool! I have always wanted to say that to that dude. Well, whatever. " he reached into his pocket and pulled out a letter.
"Can you make sure she gets this?"
I smiled. "totally." i said.
He walked off and shrugged a later at me. I loved the way his hair swung when he walked. I loved the way he threw his bookbag onto his shoulder. I even loved the huge zit on his face. But, He didnt love me. He loved Lisa. I was Lisa but not the Lisa he knew. She was cool and daring. She didnt care what anyone thought of her. And, she was hot. I, was not. I was introverted. I wore big thick brown and blue rimmed glasses free from the Lions club. I was also fat. I think that if I was all of those things BUT fat, I would have had a shot. Fat really is the justification for any and all reasons not to like someone.
"Oh, shes nice but shes fat. Well, he has nice eyes but he's fat." See, if you add fat as the reason you dont like someone no one questions it. Its acceptable.

I dragged myself to my bus. I hated riding the bus. There was always someone who would try to make you feel repulsive and undesirable. I tried to sit as close the front as I could. I usually had a better chance at being left alone. On this particular day, the front seats were of course taken and I had waited so long for Sean that I had to double up on a seat with someone. Thankfully it was Cathy. She was my only friend on the bus. She was quiet like me and always smiled when I sat down near her.

Hey Lisa she said with a bright smile. I saved you a seat.
Thanks i said relieved as I smiled back.
"Where you waiting on Sean again?"
"Yeah. He gave me a letter this time. " I fanned myself with it as if it wasnt a big deal. Um, it was a huge deal.
"did you tell him yet?"
"NO WAY!" I could feel my heart starting to speed up and my face getting hot. "You cant say anything either! You promised!"
"Im not! Sheesh. I was just asking. I just think You should tell him. I dont think he would care."
"Oh he'll care. They always care." I rolled my eyes.
Just then, Lonnie turned around in the seat in front of us and snatched the letter out of my hand. He was the meaniest kid on the bus. I hated him with every bone in my body but he sure was hot. I hated his insides but I loved to look at the outsides. I was such a hypocrit. I got mad at people for loving my insides but hating my outsides and here I was doing the opposite with a total jerk who had my, I mean, Lisa's letter.
"give that back Lonnie! Its not yours!"
"Well well, what have we got here. it looks like a love letter of some kind and it appears to be addressed to Lisa. hey isnt your name lisa? You mean you found someone who likes tubbies like you? Oh this I have got to read. "
"hey everyone! Lisa got a love letter!" hahaha he laughed. The entire bus started errupting in laughter too. I wanted to crawl under the seat and die. I knew what was coming. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. He was going to read it to the whole bus.
I saw my sister sitting a few seats behind me with her popular friends. She gave me a look as if to kill. She hated me when we were on the bus. She refused to sit with me and acted as if she didnt know me most of the time. I couldnt blame her really. I would pretend not to know me too.
"Hey Baby," he read. He looked at me and grinned. "whats up? Not much here. I was just wanting to know if you would go with me to the 7th grade dance next week. I know its late notice but I really want to go with you. I want to see your tight bod in a mini skirt. Maybe we can do that thing that you said you would do in your last letter.
thats all for now,
KIT,
Sean"
I-wanted-to-die. I seriously just wanted to die. "Please god, I begged, if you kill me now I will never ever ever ask for anything ever again and I will even let
my sister have my stereo and all of my tapes. I promise that I will do good angel things and be the best angel ever. Please, just let me die."
the bus was so quiet that it was erie. Then, there was an erruption of laughter so hard that the windows vibrated. I looked back and even my sister was
laughing. she had tears in her eyes and I knew it wasnt from feeling bad from me. It was from laughing so hard.
"Okay who is Sean and why to God does he think YOU have a tight bod" Lonnie tried to catch is breath from laughing so hard.

the issue of the day

so i have a problem. my book. the problem is that if i write really honest things people may be hurt. i dont want to leave them outbecause its part of why i am the way i am and who i have become. i dont know what to do. how important is it for me to get it all out? whydoes it have to be so hard!

Well....

such a deep subject for such a shallow mind. lmaoo Ever heard that joke before? yeah, probably not lol

Sooooooo. We went camping over the weekend. I shot a wedding friday that I got home from at 11p and got to bed finally around 1am. We were up at 4am. boooooooo for early starts!

the actual camping was alot of fun since this time we got the camp in Grandads front yard haha. Full access to the potty! My kinda ruffing it thats for sure! We had to take the girls (dogs) this time but they had alot of fun being out and about. The only thing that freaked them out was the horses. Theres like 15 there that run around sniffing and snotting on you. Blech. I love horses but from a distance. They're way to big for me to be close up with. Well, I can handle 1 or 2 at a time but more than that and i'm freaking out as seen by many people last weekend. they all got a hoot and a hollar out of seeing me run. Yep, the fat girl ran. it wasn't pretty. I'm lucky to still be alive. I'll suffer with the black eyes from the bounce of the chest bowling balls but tis all good.

On our last night, i may have taken ambien. I may not have gone to be right away. I may have pushed spanky and his brother out of their chairs in an attempt at "cow tipping". I may have hit my head off a tree branch and decided to become a monkey and swing myself from limb to limb back to my seat. I may have been sharing embarrassing GYN stories with my soon to be sister in law. I might even have showed everyone my way cool sound making ability.

I may have. I'm not really saying one way or another. With ambien your really not in control of yourself and your really not actually in your right mind so I can claim plausable denial. I'm sticking with it.

do you like seafood??

You do? Well then, SEE-FOOD LMAO

I took this yesterday during our field trip to visit a working dairy farm. Of course, being in a farm town theres not much for the kids to do locally besides see each others farms. Actually this farm is a bit unique because there are only a handful of working dairy farms in our state of VA. We have to have a lot of our milk shipped in from PA and MD.

I think its kinda odd because I have to say, I went to school with quite a few Heifers in my day. Myself included haha.

Check check check check-check it out!

http://www.blossomphotos.com/

Welcome to BLOSSOM!

Things are a changin'.

Just a hint of things to come :)

I'm so excited about this!!

things taught to me by my 6 year old.

Yes. He is wise beyond his years. Sometimes, he schools me in the most peculiar of subjects.

From him, I have learned that my 11 year old's weenie now has a mustache.

I have learned that the jar of diaper cream should go in the fridge because its "whip cream for you's nuts".

And most importantly I have learned that when you tell him to make sure the doors are not locked in the van before he closes the door-this is kid speak for "hey, lets lock both sets of keys in the van so we dont have to go to school."

I'm on to him. I am. I'm hip to his wiley ways.

Kickin' it old school.

lets take it back shall we? To a time when cotton panties, crocs and Feria hair dye were all non existent. Ew gross a bug just flew into my screen. That is gonna stain. Anyhow, I'm talking about a time when things were simple. Food was scarce and Native Americans were picking you off one by one for invading a land that didnt belong to you because you were arrogant and believed that just because the English hadnt set up shop there, well then, it must not be civIlized. I'm talking the jamestown settlement. Lots of history, good and bad. I know I am here today because of them but it was just so sad to see the things that brought about our presence in America.

I did take some pics though :) Enjoy a look into the Jamestown settlement here in Va :)

Frea-kay Friday

I know he loves me. How do I know he loves me? Because he lets me do things to him that other men would consider, hmmmm, demeaning? But not my Spanky. No, he proves his love for me in all sorts of ways.

Yesterday, he decided that he wanted a haircut. He asked me to do it but I grumbled and he took it upon himself to go outside and try to shave it on his own. This only resulted in patches of bald spots combined with areas overgrown bushes scattered around his head. I fixed him up and before I sent him on his way I threw out that age old question that every man dreads to hear. "Do you love me?"
"Yessssssss" he sighed.
Prove I said to him. Let me put my initial in your chest hair.
Okay he shrugged.
I began my new found artistic outlet and low and behold I transformed my seemingly normal Spanky into an instant super hero. You see he is a mechanic and well, the "M" for Missy just wasn't what it was supposed to stand for.

Prepare yourselves lady and gents for I present to you, SUPER MECHANIC!



Able to change oil in a single flick of the wrist. Able to rebuild your transmission in meer seconds and do all those other things mechanics do (like jacking up your bill while they just sit on their rumps and play games on their cell phones) in just a few short blinks of the eye.

I took this picture yesterdy and said "Show me your grrrrr face."
This my friends is Super Mechanic's grrrrrr face.

P.S. I'd like to thank my extremely good natured husband who I love with all the beats of my heart for letting me do this to him and take the picture for proof. I dont think I'd replace him with the most hottest version of Justin Timberlake. Well, at least not for a few more years. *wink,wink*

Peace.Love.Strawberry shortcake.

Of these few things I am sure...

1. That you should always test the paint out on your walls before you buy 3 gallons of it.

2. Freezing fresh strawberries does NOT mean they will be the same when you thaw them.

3. Diet Dr. Pepper should be added to the daily nutrition list.

4. Never pull a toy gun out of your purse and lay it down on the counter while standing at the teller window inside the bank looking for your checkbook and drivers license. You will probably be okay if it has the orange on the tip but if not your screwed.

Of these 4 things, I am absolutely sure.

Thats not my name.

I have a new earworm. I LOVE the quirkiness of this song. Its so fun! Listen and enjoy. Listen with an open mind. its catchy :)




I think I've been called "Hell" and "her" before but I think that was probably used in context like "Oh what the hell?. Her again?"

Its a beautiful world...

It really is. I mean, I try to look at everything with an open mind. I see the leaves on a tree as hair for them. Some, like the weeping willows, have long luxurious tresses. When the wind blows the cascades of leafy hair dance to and fro reminding the pine trees that their pixie do's will never sway back and forth. Of course, then the pine tree gets to blow razzberries at the willow because they get brought inside during Christmas and are adorned with decorations and celebrated. Then the willow reminds the pine tree that after the new year they get tossed out with the garbage and sometimes burned with the brush piles. And so, the sibling rivalry lives on.

I have no idea what I'm talking about today. Its been tough with Granny's passing. I feel creatively tapped. I'm an emotionless zombie lately. I think i held in the hurt of losing her for so long when I was taking care of her that when she passed, I was just drained. I cried but not like I should have. Would she have wanted that though? Nah. I need to get it back though. What good is a photographer with no creative vision? I have 2 full day weddings next month. I'm shaking with fear because I know they want that something "special" added to their photography. I just hope that I'm out of this funk to make sure I deliver on it.

Anyhow, yesterday was our 9th wedding anniversary. Yippee! I got no burn barrel like last year. This year, he spent the entire day with me, cleaned the house from top to bottom, let me take a 2 hour nap in the afternoon and then cooked me a full course dinner. This huge dinner was after he took me to an awesome seafood lunch including stuffed shrimp and crab legs. It really was a great day. For his gift, I let him tattoo a small butterfly on my wrist. Its a very light purple. I'll take a pic and show it to yall soon. I want it to heal up first :)

Now the best part of the day was desert. I picked out this awesome strawberry shortcake with cream cheese filling and cool whip icing. It was TO DIE FOR. It seriously doesnt get anymore sinful than this people. I could hear the pounds growing on my thighs but I did not care one bit. You only live once right? Yep. You only live once.

peace.love.strawberry shortcake. (still none for you though loser)

I'm just not that into you...

Thats right Mr. Justin Timberlake. I'm just not that into you. You know I just cant get up and leave my family. They need me. Whats that? You want me to fly away to Italy with you? Now you know that its my day to do laundry. It just wouldnt be fair to leave my Spanky doing ALL the work. I know that he mostly just passes out in his broke down recliner that is missing most of the leather on the bottom because my dog likes to lick it. She thinks its candy. I most certainly cant leave him alone with the children because even though they are old enough to care for themselves, they might like, try to calk to him while he's fixated on his new Playstation game. He needs his alone time too. its jjust not fair to do that to him.

No. I like it here. I just cant be your one and only. I'm flattered. Really, I am.

I'm just not that into you.

P.S.-Call me later!

He's always been "different".

He has. He has always been different from other children. He came into the world like a whirlwind. He had lungs that made the other babies around him cry. When he was around 7 or 8 months old, he would get hurt and cry until he physically passed out. I've had to preform CPR on him twice. He is a puker. He would get upset and would vomit. He has food aversions. He cant handle crowds and certain smells. He is my baby.

He was also diagnosed today with Autism. Wow. Its so hard and liberating to say that. We have an answer for his quirky behavior. it makes sense though. I mean, I've seen things and had a feeling all along. A mother knows, ya know? You can feel it when your child is sick with them sleeping in another room. You just know.

Anyhow, it feels good to have answers. It feels good to know that there is a plan to move forward with helping him. It is such a relief. We'll make it through this just like we've made it through everything else. One step at a time.

Just Breathe.

Yay for me and a wedding pic..

I am so happy with my self. I couldnt be more tickled pink than if you dressed me in a pink dress and hosed me down in pepto bismol. I have managed to maintain my desk for a week. Yep folks. I have kept it tidy. I have put back things into their rightful places AFTER I have used them. I have dusted. I have replaced the table lamp with an actual desk lap andddddddddddddddd I am getting ready to hang up a huge dry erase board and corkboard tiles to further help my stay in the "organized" population. I need a pat on the back or a tickle on the but or something. I'll take pics tomorrow of my success.

Anyhow, I photographed a wedding yesterday for a few hours for the sweetest couple I have met in a long time. They met on.......wait for it...wait for it.....MATCH.COM!! How freaking cool is that? Its a total success story. I was very happy for them. Now. their wedding took place in my home county. I have lived here my entire life and yet, somehow even with a GPS system, I got freaking lost!! I was 15 minutes late which is totally embarrasing in the first place. I then had to go up 3 countem 3 flights of stairs to get to the bride for a few before shots. All i have to say is thank GOD i have been walking a mile almost every day.

I forgot to post this yesterday.

Look at my little leprechaun! Is he not the cutest, squeeziest cheeky thing you have ever seen? He got off the bus wearing this and ran over to me giggling. I just love the lai beard. I might have to grow one myself.

~Organized Choas At Its Finest~

Yep. That, my friends, is what I now have. Ugh, something just got stuck under my "w" key. Dontcha just hate that? You push and push and nothing shows up on the screen. You have a moment of panic because you remember that you were on a "not so nice site" a few days ago and probably picked up a virus. You start sweating because there is NO freaking way that you can take your laptop to be checked out because you were checking out some questionable material that makes you gag now just thinking about it. But, you had to see it because EVERYONE and literally their grandmothers have been talking about this repulsive piece of video. But then you realize that its just a seed from your sesame seed sub roll from lunch and your world is returned to its ol' warm and fuzzy self. No? Just me? Yeah right, dont lie. Okay well forget I EVER said anything. it was just a scenario. Just something to make your gears grind in your thinker.

Oh, back to my reason for posting. I have finally organized my desk. I bought lots of storage stuff and holders and sharpeners and bras and file folders to get myself into the swing of things. I am so excited about my new found tidiness. EVERYTHING has a place. Its a tight squeeze but I have a pretty good amount of room to do all my stuff. I utilize my wall for posting reminders and i think I should look for some corkboard before my wall ends up looking like an Mexican drug lord house in the barrios. Sorry for that reference. I have been watching all 4 seasons of "WEEDS" from showtime. Best freaking show ever. I know what I'm gonna be doing if this picture gig doesnt pan out. Kidding. I'm so kidding. I dont have the overhead to start up that kind of business and I sure dont have the client base. Hmmm, or do i? Ya never know.

Anyhow. heres the before and after pics of my desk. Soak it up and take it all in. I am so proud of myself and I KNOW Sue'p will be too :)
BEFORE:


And after:


This literally only took me like, 24 hours. Rock on me!

dear lord.

I'm organizing my desk. I've bought tons of organization stuff from the store in an attempt to save myself from myself. I started 7 hours ago and I am only halfway done. If you dont hear from me by Monday evening, send in the troops.

Missy's Quote of the Week:

"Gimme some jelly 'cause I'm on a roll!!"

Art, You dont know how much I love you.